#human connection pls

[vikvikvim]

Is someone gonna match my freak?

[lotus-pear]

bsd fic authors i understand yalls pain SO well right now why is it so fucking HARD to write dazai. like i have a whole fucking spreadsheet dedicated to tireless analysis i have done on my part so i can accurately characterize him but he is such an unpredictable and morally gray character that it's hard knowing his limits and boundaries and where he draws the line for himself.

[hypnagogics]

pride month is over and nothing gay happened. everyone must die now 😇

[friendlyneighbourhoodelf]

do you ever think about music that is hundreds of years old that we still play/sing today. yeah. something something humans have always made art

[tittysuckersworld]

have tryed out clip studio paint!!! my thoughts: neat but a bit hard to control. love love how i can sketch on here though. looks and works a lot like paper so mabey this will be how i get more digital sketching done!! ibis paint is still better for super finnished arts i think.

also ideas with chuuya/arahabaki thingies because the ideas of god and man are funky uwu

[reapkusho]

A lot of people say kainess is incredibly one-sided (on ness' part) but I think Kaiser did want to keep him for a while because that was the only thing he wanted — for "something that lasts" and to "love and be loved". The only thing that'd really last is for someone that truly loves you that would keep coming back even if you push them away and/or abuse their affection.

It was because Ness kept coming back and the fact that he went through the same thing as him — not getting any love and affection as a child (guess he related to him?) — that kaiser decided to keep him. but after he realized that restricting himself and being uncomfortable was the key to being the best then he went and let him go — which means Kaiser can't really "love" because that'd mean being comfortable with something > then he goes searching for something to keep and love again which means he's at peak desperate condition > when he finds it he has to let it go because he'd be comfortable > cycle repeats.

[halfricanloveyou]

ok ok ok like i thought “the chosen” would suck cause “blah another series about the life and times of jesus” like we GET it it’s been around for CENTURIES you guys make the same damn movie all the time

but it’s actually legit really good? lots of pretty good representation! not everyone in the movie is white. actual portrayals of jewish culture instead of just ignoring that part. disabled people. matthew being autistic. characters that aren’t just two dimensional. the people in it feel like real people. there’s actual jokes, jesus cracks a few and they’re really funny?? so far nothing hateful, no gay or transgender bashing. it calls out the church for being judgemental and hateful in a way that’s very tasteful

it’s not perfect tho. jesus is…still white for some reason? despite mary not being white? and no one else around him being white? no gay people in it which is kind of a bad and a good thing…but it’s a portrayal of jesus and the people around him as human. as real life people who felt things and made jokes and rolled their eyes and stuff. also the guy they cast as jesus is pretty hot as are all the disciples. which isn’t the point or whatever but i can’t say i’m complaining. it’s free online and i think it’s worth a watch!

[eldrichfuck666]

но что, если тяга делать зло станет чуть сильней чем я?

это мне не повезло не устоять.

[sugarwizard]

Pleaaase I cant be doing this again

[duckiemimi]

You don’t mind if I spam, do you?? 💀 I just… I read through your posts like the morning paper sometimes, but I don’t wanna get blocked for spam liking through your acct lmaoo

i don’t mind at all!!! i’m happy my posts could resonate w ppl!! i suck at responding sometimes, but i’m here to talk w ppl!!!

[socalledfreethinker]

me: i’m so open because i think the best way to build relationships is by letting people know who you truly are

also me: performing in every social situation and obscuring or outright hiding facets of my personality and interests to make sure everyone likes me all of the time because if people don’t like me then why would i even live

[pumpkinpie59]

wanna make idw leolotus just to spite idw bc i hate everything about koya and how they wanna pair leo with her

[whatarewedoingdude]

Just remembering when one of my friends said everyone (other friends in our group) missed me- since I had been either hanging out with only one friend or walking around at lunch instead of hanging out- and my brain literally shat itself because huh? What do you mean you miss me🧍what do you mean you noticed my absence and were upset by it? Genuinely thought people couldn't give less a shit about if I was around them or not cuz I thought I was an absolute drag to be around💀I still can't comprehend it tbh

[silentalltheseyearsnomore]

In and out of constant crisis... to be expected. Its brutal. SO brutal.

There's a line though, where it is either pain being released and parts processing.. or just retraumatising. And the difference between what makes it one or the other can be so small! And usually to do with if we feel alone or not, connected to S or not, allowed to reach out or not.

Yet we are seeing we survive each time? And it passes. Same with S... we reconnect each time. She doesn't leave.

Today we made a huge leap! An email she sent landed badly. A part wrote a reply, not meanly at all (we never do that and are proud of our ability to communicate these days), but saying how it felt and how upset. But we didn't send... because we knew it wouldn't help. Its how they felt and it was real and valid. But she'd likely feel more defeated and stressed, then we'd feel more disconnected, and the same old cycle. (Also, we figured even IF it was intended how it felt.. we no longer beg for people to understand or care, and that has to be true for her too.) So we didn't send, and instead chose to trust our overall relationship instead of these moments and details.. and just turn up today as unguarded as humanly possible. Which was still hugely guarded lol.

It was SO hard to do. But I am so proud of us. And it went so well. It allowed us both to connect so much quicker and easier and see we are on the same side. We didn't hug her straight away like normal and just hid ourselves not looking at her, but as she started talking and we could hear there weren't bad intentions, we managed to lift a finger up and she reached for it and held our hand. And we were SO proud of us in that moment. It doesn't seem big. But for us it is huge. To be able to reach for connection without going through every detail of what hurt, ask a lot of questions, pick it all through, stay in defense... instead we just listened to how it felt right in that moment. And it allowed us to connect quicker. We made a new choice and it paid off.

She made a comment about us seeming to not want to be there, possibly hating her (kind of jokingly) and we realised that's how it may seem.. like to us it is OBVIOUS we never hate her, always want her. But then to her it is obvious how much she cares etc, and that doesn't mean we always see it. It softened so many protective parts and we looked up and we both smiled and we said of course we don't. It's just all painful. But the pain isn't from her, it's everything before her. And then cuddled in to her. It was so simple in that moment. We are on the same side.

And the whole session was so connecting and simple. Despite the fact we never talked through what happened earlier in the week really.. and despite it being one of the last sessions. It was just simple. The ending of therapy is terrifying but also helping us let go of details and see the big picture. She's SO on our side. We aren't on opposite sides. She's fighting a whole system for us. She's paying for her specialised supervisor she got just for us, even after we arent a client, to help us both through this transition and to help us fight the system as she's a very high up contact. She is thinking everything about this transition through so she doesnt rush things or make mistakes others did. She cares so much. So yeah, she's not perfect, she misses the mark, and she can't be everything we wish she could. But she is a human who wants us in her life and cares deeply and is fighting to get us the right support. We can get lost in all the pain or we can look at how lucky we are to have her.

[mikeydykey]

my mutuals r so cool and i wanna be friends w each and every single one of them <3

[very-evil-dragon]

Most religious people are so fucking patronising istg. Just let me be an atheist in peace, im begging you.

I dont care if you had a ‘revelation’ by God of me in my thirties when I still wasnt born, mum.